Balancing act

The good news: I've had a great weekend. I went out on Friday, meaning to only pop into town for a couple of hours, coming home and having a nice sleep. In reality I got in at 3am. Such is one of the results of living life and having a good time!

This morning, I was up and dressed by 10.30 as myself and two guys from college were heading down the country for the afternoon to a friend's house for some college related work. In fact we left at midday as the driver overslept. The countryside (about 8km from where my Dad grew up) was a bit of an eye opener. I don't know how people survive living with nothing but fields around them for miles in every direction. Where is the MacDonalds??? So coming back up to the city this evening was a bit of a relief. (And I mean that with no disrespect for people who live in the countryside - it's just, I've grown up in a very limited little bubble which consists of a farm across the road, and the city centre 20 minutes away and every conceivable shop or restaurant down the road from me. And I don't do change very well. )

The bizarre news: I seem to have taken a 'step backward' with my leg pain (boom boom). I'm taking painkillers (beautiful, beautiful killers of pain) about twice a day for the pain and I'm having difficulty walking on it. I'm beginning to think I probably underestimated what I did over a week ago- thinking I merely pulled a muscle, I probably tore something or something equally ridiculous by placing my foot up on a chair. I mean who on earth lands themselves walking with a limp by putting their foot up on a chair for goodness sake??

The leg is slightly swollen (and obviously sore) at the moment. Post transplant, fluid retention (kind what very old ladies look like with 'c-ankles') is something to be taken very seriously. So now I'm questioning whether I'm swollen, whether there's an infection, whether I have fluid retention. Did I really just pull a muscle? When did it start getting seriously sore? Is this something that happens a 'normal' person, or is this because I have no immune system? Who do 'normal' people call when this happens? Am I being a hypochondriac? Should I just keep popping the pills and hope it will all just sort itself out? Have they ever performed a leg transplant??

[This is the thinky-thinky, waffle bit here now- you can stop reading here. Run.:] There is always a balance to be found when dealing with life post transplant. You push a little, you pull a little (I don't actually know what I mean when I say that, but I think it relates nicely here somehow). You have an obligation to do the most you can to take care of the gift you've been given which means you get yourself treated the minute you suspect you have an infection, a cold, a temperature.

And then you go out (actually, you stay in, work on assignments) and do silly things, which really in the bigger picture are just a tad embarrassing (I wasn't even exercising when it happened!) and you wonder whether it constitutes as a 'real' problem.

It's just one of those 'thinking out loud' situations which a lot of people don't really think about- someone gets a transplant- that's it, they're pretty much fixed right? Thankfully, for the most part, yes, but the thinking doesn't ever stop. And maybe it's that 'thinking' which ensures that all bases are covered so everything does stay fixed: For every ten queries ("Oh my gosh, is that a bruise on my eye?" "No, that's smudge mascara"- "Oh my gosh, why are my hands blue??" "Because it's cold outside"), you catch that one real problem. Better to be safe than sorry.

I just wish I didn't feel guilty about wishing I had crutches!!

Keeping them on their toes - even if I can't walk!

So last week, I very foolishly pulled a muscle in my leg. I howled and felt rather silly. The next day the leg muscle kept seizing into cramps and releasing. The days that followed were ok, in that I could walk but it just stiffened up if I sat down or stopped walking. But yesterday the pain turned to a 'growing pain' ache, which I took to mean the muscle was fixing itself, regrowing etc. Except with all this 'growing' I couldn't sleep, because growing is a painful business. Which brings me to today, where I can't put very much weight on the leg, and now walk with a ridiculous limp! Except if I concentrate really hard to not look like an idiot/grandad, I can walk normally-ish.

So that problem, I live with - I know what caused it, and I know it will fix itself.

Now backtrack a couple of days, when lo and behold, my *arm* started to hurt. This pain was in my forearm and a rather stingy pain. I couldn't stretch my arm because it stung too much. It felt like a cannula had tissued or leaked in my arm (for anyone who's experienced that yeee-ouch feeling), but I couldn't pick a cause or pinpoint what was wrong. There was just a faint pink line which looked like it was following the path of a vein.

My mom wanted me to ring the hospital, but at the risk of sounding like a complete doofus ("Hi, em, I have a sore arm today, what should I do?") I refused. But today, whilst in college I went to see the nurse when the waiting room was clear. The nurse was most puzzled so charged me €10 to see the doctor. The doctor, who was also most puzzled decided to ring the hospital as she suspected I had Phlebitis (swelling of the vein). The hospital, who wanted to see me straight away. Grrrr.

So I left and went to the hospital. They asked me a few questions but I then told them that the pain was still present despite me taking painkillers. What was i taking painkillers for? Oh no, not the sore arm which I couldn't stretch, not the sore leg which made me walk with a limp. No I was actually taking painkillers for a sore, cramping stomach.

So basically, I felt like I'd been hit by a bicycle with a heavy man on top. And then to top it off, they couldn't make any solid conclusions as to what was wrong with my arm so I was sent home. And the worst part? I got a paper cut. Grrrrr.

I suppose I should be grateful there's really nothing seriously wrong. And grateful that someone invented paracetamol.

Mundane Monday (har, har)

But seriously, phew what a mundane day. I have no 11th hour assignments to do so really I should probably prepare for those assignments which will ultimately become 11th hour assignements next week. If only....

Also, one of my best friends got to wear a gown and cap today as she was handed her degree in Economics and insert other subject here (if only I paid attention these past three years...). I haven't seen any photos yet but I am still very proud.

It gives me hope that I can someday acheive the same honour and get to wear the gown. And maybe the cap. Interestingly, anybody know why only girls have to wear the cap (over here anyway) ?

Answers on a postcard!

Weekend tornado

I had an enjoyable time this past weekend. I went out on Friday night for one of the girl's birthdays. I had a small amount of alcohol to drink but for some reason, in the early hours I became highly annoyed at something and my mood just plummeted. I'm guessing it's the stress of assignments and college and a host of other things that gathered together to put me in a mood and the alcohol just made it come to the forefront. I think I shall edge slowly away from the drink in the near future...

Then last night was a most exciting evening as I was invited to a ball in the Four Seasons hotel. I got to wear a nice gown and it was a great night altogether. The compare (host?) for the evening was Alan Cantwell who presents the news on TV3 so my friend Grey (!) was delighted to meet him and have a grand old handy dandy conversation with him.

Having arrived home after 3am, I then got up at noon today and got ready for a luncheon one of the girls was hosting. And my, how she knows how to host! My idea of putting on a lunch would involve ordering pizza or putting sticks in cocktail sausages - this girl had a three course meal with full silverware and white wine. Impressive.

So now I'm home and ye ole assignment briefs are glaring at me. Depressing me. I took an oath of hibernation last week which I hope to live up to this week.

The most bizarre problem of that pulled muscle in my leg is *still* at me, and it has me limping around if I stop at any time. It's grand if I walk on it but those initial first few minutes are a killer. I seriously don't know what I've done. Maddness.

Assignment blues

Logic would suggest that the busier I am, the less frequently I would post here. In fact, that's contrary to the reality which says that the busier I am, the more things I need to get done, the MORE I post here. In fact if I was ever to become a smoker, I don't think I'd have time to fit it in! But yet, this must be my kazillionth blog in a week.

Today the first of my many, million assignments was due in - it was worth 25% of my overall grade. So last night was the last straw, I couldn't let 25% go down the drain, no matter how much of a dedicated procrastinator I am.

So I sat down to my laptop. Got a headache. Panicked. Then started typing. I opened a book. I opened another book. Panicked. Left the room. Watched TV. Dropped my sister off out somewhere (my sister, who, when I become a fully fledged mystery detective will be come my number one case). Came back. Looked at my laptop. Browsed the Internet. Looked at the books I had opened. Then I put my leg up on a nearby chair and pulled a muscle. Howled and danced around the room in pain. Looked at my open book again. Panicked. And then I got really, really tired and decided to go to bed.

The project wasn't due until 4pm, so I went into college this morning for my 9am class. Then I signed into my 11am class and left to start working on this silly project. In reality I started working at about 12.30pm. Then I went for lunch and came back at 2pm.

And then I ploughed through and miraculously finished it and handed it up at 3.45pm.

But the problem is my leg, I now can't put any weight on it at all! I'm thinking this has something to do with trying to work hard. I've learned my lesson on that one!

The Recession Tumbles On...

Today my friend told me that she'd died her hair brown. My friend has been colouring her hair blonde for years and years. The only time she went brown was when she moved to America for the summer and didn't want to go three months with roots. And then she came home and went blonde again.

But now she can't afford it anymore. So she's gone one colour all over in attempt to save the pennies.

It's the recession. It's making life expensive.

And on Friday I'm booked in to have the same job done.

Morning After Choices

After college, I got working on my assignments today. Then I watched Grey's Anatomy for a while. I believe there must be a balance of work and play! I haven't been eating much this past week either, so I've just had a scandishake (600 cals), a bag of crisps, four chocolate bars and a bag of butter flavoured microwave popcorn, so hopefully that should ensure my weight stays stable today!

Regarding yesterday's post, it's not really all that serious a matter (for those who have expressed worry!), but at the same time it's a decision and I don't want to have make it. I thought the problem I had would be an easy fix and it's not. C'est la vie. Anyway, like a procrastinator's dream, I won't be hearing from the team about it for a few months, so I can just forget about it and pretend that it's gone away until then! :-)

PS: Just to reassure people about the title- I refer to it as the 'morning after' as I wrote the other post late last night. I didn't go out and get hammered and drown my sorrows or anything, just incase your mind has an active imagination

PPS: the recession still really hurts!! ;-)

Appointments and Choices

I had an important appointment today yesterday (see how late these assignments have me procrastinating 'til?) in St Vincents. The consultants I met were very nice although what they said wasn't really what I wanted / was expecting to hear. Of course, everything medical is done in my best interest but this one I'm not so sure about. I'm not going to go into what it's about and I apologise if it feels like I'm dangling a carrot here. It's generally not considered a serious problem but it's still a problem and fixing that problem may cause other problems. (I'm thinking my calling in life is NOT to make up cryptic clues for things...if that exists...) But generally in my medical history the majority of choices I have to make are pretty much already made for me in the sense that the alternative isn't much of an option. But here, I'm not so sure.

So after my appointment I had planned to go to the chapel. The same chapel I cried in on my very first admission as it happened. I think as much as a religious place my need reminding of my face, right about now it's kind of where I should be! But I couldn't afford it.

Don't worry, the priests and nuns aren't charging in, but, for two hours parking I had to pay €4.70 and I was risking going over and I honestly couldn't afford it.

Needing someone to tell you what you're supposed to do and not having that person hurts. Recession hurts more.

Riddles from the library

Riddle 1: Why is it that noise is absolutely forbidden in the library and yet the librarians in here SHOUT their conversations to one another?

Am I really interested in why the man librarian now cycles to work to lower his carbon foot print or why in recent months, he's been looking more and more like Tom Hanks in Castaway with his ever growing beard??

No.

Riddle 2: How is it possible I've made it as far as the library - that's as much work as I've done in a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time!

Maybe I'll do a bit of this to pass the time:

Yikes

It's been a while, and yet in a sense, nothing has changed! I'm still no further on with ALL my assignments but I'm confident I'll get there somehow! I've calculated that after this week, I only have 4 more until Christmas break. I'll make a countdown of the days, hours and seconds when I attempt to write my essay later.

Nothing much exciting is happening around me the moment, which is rather how I like it. I finally meandered down to Hamley's Toy Shop which opened a couple of weeks ago. At €27 for a medium sized (but very, very soft) teddy, I don't know how much 'meandering' I'll be doing there again anytime soon. They do have an awful lot of toys, but I was expecting them to have some sort of slide or trampoline to play on. Disappointing. Maybe if I bring a child with me the next time I'll have more fun!

Health wise it's all very mundane, which again, is exactly as I like it! I have an appointment on Monday to have my little leaking tummy looked at. I had blood taken this week but interestingly the biggest bruise I have comes from whacking my hand off some random object on the corridor as I was leaving:

I had to park on the street and my meter was 10 minutes over time and I hadn't even had anyone LOOK for a vein at this point. I was very anxious about getting clamped. So after two sticks, they got their blood and I literally ran. It was when I was running, I heard a very loud clang (made louder by the fact that it was a rather echo-ey corridor). I saw people coming towards me, open their mouths and glare at me. I think I hit a fire extinguisher, and it seems I obviously have a hand made of iron or metal. Flustered, my handbag having fallen off my shoulder, I smiled meakly as continued on my "run". When I try to explain that's why I have a big yellow/black/blue hand, people seem to think I was running flailing my arms wildly. I assure I was not. I think the fire extinguisher got in my way.

Anyway, I wasn't clamped.

And that's exactly how I like it.

Procrastination- Pieces of Me

Things are seriously busy all of a sudden with college stuff. I have 5 major assignments due with another two to be handed out before the end of the week. And yes, this is all sudden. Anyway as you can tell I have passed the panicky, butterflies in stomach, get an insy bit breathless stage and moved on to the old reliable procrastination stage.

I found this fun game to pass the time:

You go into itunes, make sure 'shuffle' is selected and then click play. For each question, press the 'next song' button to get your answer. And you have to write your first answer (otherwise you're a cheat!). Which is why some of my answers make no sense....

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Super Trouper (with a cheesy annoying smile!)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
ABC - I want you back

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Falling Slowly (I hope in the loving sense not physically falling...that would get annoying)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Piece of me (?)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Believe Me Natalie (Gotta go find that girl and make her believe me??)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Trip Through Your Wires (I guess this could mean, overcome your obstacles!...or more literally, try to get out of my bedroom alive...)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Overkill (oh dear)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
One Thing (but they real question is WHAT!)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Move! (Only when I drive...)

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
Rule The World (Abstract that one)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine (Freaky.... but I should point out that actually Jenny *still* is a friend of mine....)

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Swallowed in the Sea (where there are plenty more fish)

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Please

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Accidentally in Love (specifically *accidentally*)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The View From the Afternoon (...)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Welcome to the 60s (must be my new beehive)

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Daysleeper - REM (I'll have a boring wedding)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Out of My Mind

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Hey Jude

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Fake Plastic Trees (It's a conspiracy)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Big Girls Don't Cry (Ohhhhhhhhhhh but they do)

22. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Jim Dandy (don't know who that is but maybe that's for the best...)

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
The Playboy Mansion (I'm intrigued)

24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Some Girls (I'm intrigued)

25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
1973 (economically a baaaaaaad year)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Trouble

27. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Pieces of Me (now that's just freak-ay)

Voting

I've never voted for a president before. And, seeing as I'm not an American citizen, I won't be voting today (d'uh). I think I know who I'd vote for, but that's irrelevant. But I'll be watching. And call it fate, but college has been cancelled tomorrow so leaving me free to watch a good bit of it tonight.

Across the pond, for voting you get a free coffee from Starbucks, free ice-cream courtesy of Ben & Jerry's and a free donut from Krispy Kreme. (Except, according to PerezHilton, in California where the law bans giving things to people to vote or stay away from the polls.) Land of the free indeed! *Imagine*

Riddle

How is it possible that it took me an hour and a half to get ready to go out the other night and yet it took me only 11 minutes to look like a convincing pirate on Halloween - make up and all?!